Less Excitement......

So, if you read my last blog, you got to experience the great fun I got to experience when I got engaged. Well, since then, things are a little different. On Tuesday the 1st, M'kynzi and I were in her car talking, and she said that she wasn't feeling completely comfortable with our decision to be engaged and to get married. As a result of that, we decided that we needed to fast and pray about our decision. We talked the next day and we both had discovered that we shouldn't be engaged anymore. Still to this day, I don't know if we are supposed to be dating. Tonight was the first time that I have talked to her since Wednesday, and it was so nice! I needed that so bad! I never thought that I could be so dependent on someone for happiness! For the last 8, almost 9 months, I have been the one to comfort M'kynzi when she needed it and I haven't been able to do it. I have been trying to avoid her, only because I don't want to cry the moment I see her. If the only thing that I was supposed to learn from this is how much I need her in my life, well, lesson learned. The fortunate thing about it all is that from what I know, there is still a chance that we could end up together forever, but I have yet to have that confirmed to me by the Lord. I guess looking at it all this is just typical of our relationship, lots of uncertainty. Uncertainty in where we would live, where I would go to school, what we would do for work, if M'kynzi would be able to go to school for law school, and several other things. I guess overall, I am dealing with this whole situation as best as I can. I am staying optimistic, knowing that things will work out. I cant argue with the Lord, I know I will lose. Its so hard knowing that someone that I love so much, might not be with me for eternity, she might just be a friend, and as nice as that is, it kinda sucks.

I have learned a few things. Number one, listening to the Spirit is important. Number two is that listening to the Spirit sometimes sucks. No matter how many times someone tells me that everything happens for a reason and that there is someone better for me out there, I am still going to hate the fact that we have to deal with this and that things don't work out the way I wanted them to. I just wish sometimes I had more of a say in some of the major decisions in my life.

Regardless of the situation, my feelings for M'kynzi are no different now than they were 2 weeks ago. I still love her immensely and I still want to do anything for her, but unfortunately right now, I cant.

At the end of the day, things have happened the way they have, and there isn't much I can do about it without giving up some happiness. I am going to be praying to know about the status of my relationship with M'kynzi right now, and hopefully that answer will come sooner than later, but who knows.

The Church is true, and God really knows what is going on, because He knows the whole picture, I just wish sometimes that He wasn't so much of a picture hog. I wish He would share a little more than He does right now!