Update

So I thought that I would just give a quick update on things. M'kynzi and I are still not together, but we are still uncertain of what it is that we are doing. When we got our answers, they weren't very definitive. I was told that I should call off the engagement, and M'kynzi's answer was "not now." We are still trying to figure out if we should date or if dating would only cause more heartache in the long run. I feel that we are just on hold for now, and just waiting to see what happens. We are in much more communication now, and are talking much more than we were the first week, which is nice. It is still really hard to see her, cause I cant hold her hand, and I cant kiss her, and I cant hold her. I talked with her for about an hour and a half on friday, and I loved it! No progress was made in our relationship, but it was just so good to see her and talk to her like we did just a few weeks ago. The only downfall is that ever since I talked to her, people have been noticing that I seem a little down. I didn't think that my emotions were showing that much, but apparently they were. I have been in intense prayer for the last few weeks, and it has helped a lot, but I still have my nights when I am crying myself to sleep.

I love her so much, and it doesn't seem fair to have to go through this. I have realized how much I love her, and that is great. M'kynzi told me one friday that she thinks she loves me more than she did prior to this. I can honestly say the same.

In a talk that I have read since this happened, it said that sometimes, even when you have had a spiritual confirmation about the relationship it can still end in heartache because quite simply, people change. I have looked at my life, and I am certain that I have changed. I hadn't been to the temple while M'kynzi and I were dating or while we were engaged. Since this all, I have been able to go 3 times, and I have made it a goal of mine to make it to the temple on a weekly basis. I am determined to get myself back to the person that I once was. The great thing is that even if this doesn't make me the person that I was when M'kynzi and I started dating, I am going to be a better person for having gone to the temple anyway. One of the counselors in a bishopric of one of my wards once said that if you want to marry a ten, you have to be a ten. I think that M'kynzi is about a one million, and I am just trying to get to that point. The temple is certainly one way that I am going to be able to do that. I feel that I am a lot more sincere in my prayers now too. I think that is one of the reasons that I have been able to get answers to my prayers so easily lately.

There are definitely some good eternal consequences that are coming from this all and as great as that is, I dont see a lot of those benefits right now. The only things that I see right now are the painful things, especially the heartache and the loneliness. This is going to be a good "soul searching" time for me. I have already started making some changes in my life, and I am going to make any others that are necessary. I am sure at some point I am going to be grateful for this experience, regardless of the outcome.

So all in all, I am still here, alive and mostly well. I am waiting impatiently for M'kynzi to figure things out and to receive her answer. I know that she is worth the wait. It just sucks. I told her plenty of times while we were dating that patience is a virtue, and now I am having to show that virtue. I know that we will both be better people regardless of the outcome and that is always something to look forward to. Something else to look forward to is the fact that if things end up working out the way we hope that it does we are going to be so amazing! We will both be millions!

M'kynzi, I am sure that you are going to read this, and when you do, I want you to know that I love you. I tell you that still because it is still true. I have told you before that I will love you always and forever, and that is not going to change. I am still in this with you while we are on hold, and I am anxiously awaiting your answer! I love you!

Less Excitement......

So, if you read my last blog, you got to experience the great fun I got to experience when I got engaged. Well, since then, things are a little different. On Tuesday the 1st, M'kynzi and I were in her car talking, and she said that she wasn't feeling completely comfortable with our decision to be engaged and to get married. As a result of that, we decided that we needed to fast and pray about our decision. We talked the next day and we both had discovered that we shouldn't be engaged anymore. Still to this day, I don't know if we are supposed to be dating. Tonight was the first time that I have talked to her since Wednesday, and it was so nice! I needed that so bad! I never thought that I could be so dependent on someone for happiness! For the last 8, almost 9 months, I have been the one to comfort M'kynzi when she needed it and I haven't been able to do it. I have been trying to avoid her, only because I don't want to cry the moment I see her. If the only thing that I was supposed to learn from this is how much I need her in my life, well, lesson learned. The fortunate thing about it all is that from what I know, there is still a chance that we could end up together forever, but I have yet to have that confirmed to me by the Lord. I guess looking at it all this is just typical of our relationship, lots of uncertainty. Uncertainty in where we would live, where I would go to school, what we would do for work, if M'kynzi would be able to go to school for law school, and several other things. I guess overall, I am dealing with this whole situation as best as I can. I am staying optimistic, knowing that things will work out. I cant argue with the Lord, I know I will lose. Its so hard knowing that someone that I love so much, might not be with me for eternity, she might just be a friend, and as nice as that is, it kinda sucks.

I have learned a few things. Number one, listening to the Spirit is important. Number two is that listening to the Spirit sometimes sucks. No matter how many times someone tells me that everything happens for a reason and that there is someone better for me out there, I am still going to hate the fact that we have to deal with this and that things don't work out the way I wanted them to. I just wish sometimes I had more of a say in some of the major decisions in my life.

Regardless of the situation, my feelings for M'kynzi are no different now than they were 2 weeks ago. I still love her immensely and I still want to do anything for her, but unfortunately right now, I cant.

At the end of the day, things have happened the way they have, and there isn't much I can do about it without giving up some happiness. I am going to be praying to know about the status of my relationship with M'kynzi right now, and hopefully that answer will come sooner than later, but who knows.

The Church is true, and God really knows what is going on, because He knows the whole picture, I just wish sometimes that He wasn't so much of a picture hog. I wish He would share a little more than He does right now!

Excitement!

Well, it has been a while since I have written on here so I thought I would update a bit, since there has been a significant change in my like recently. But first a quick update on everything else. Jobs and callings are still the same, and I still feel like I am running around like crazy. I dont think I am going to get a chance to slow done for a while. One of the best things lately has been watching college football lately! It has given me such a break from the normal run of the mill activities that I do everyday! I have been traveling to see some of the games, and it has been great! I got to go to Oregon, and even though it was the end of the Utes 16 game winning streak, it was a great time up there! I loved Portland! I also got to go to Vegas to see them play against the Rebels of UNLV. Amber hooked us up with a place to sleep, so that was great! I went down with Paul, Dash and Scott. They made the trip even more fun!
Football certainly hasn't been the only fun I have been having though. As you all know, I have been dating M'kynzi for the last little while, and we have gotten to the point of being serious. September 7th, I bought a ring for her! She came with me, so she knew that I was going to be proposing at some point in time, she just didn't know when I would be popping the big question! A few weeks before I was going to ask M'kynzi to marry me, I of course did some things to make her think that I was going to propose. I took her to the same places that we went on our first date way back on March 20th. We went to Firehouse Pizzeria, and then went to Orchard Lanes for some bowling, then back to her place for some Wii bowling. The next week, I took her out on another date, just to make her get in the habit of going on dates with me. I had to take her out on a Thursday, cause I was going to be going to Vegas for the game that weekend. The next week, was the week of the Air Force game. I had been working with a few people to get some things arranged for the proposal namely Dan Brinton, Roger Sengthavychith, and Seth Fullmer. I chose Dan and Roger because they each have really nice cameras and would be able to take some good pictures of everything. So the plan was for Dan to turn around during halftime of the game and say to us, "I was just talking with Roger, and we had a group date set up with reservations for 8 at the Garden restaurant, but one of the couples dropped out. Do you guys want to come?" Now I had previously told M'kynzi that I wanted to take her out on a date that night, I just didn't know what we would do so of course I jumped at the chance to go on a date with her that was already set up! Dan told us to meet down at Temple Square at 645 in front of the Christus and we would go from there. We get there and then find out that the reservations weren't until 8 pm. We decide that we are going to go around and just take pictures. Roger and Dan of course have their cameras, and Roger's date had a video camera. (She happened to be from out of town, so M'kynzi didn't think anything of it. And since Roger and Dan always have their cameras with them, again she didn't think anything of it.) So we are wandering around, taking pictures and doing some of the "married couple" pictures all over Temple Square and we get up to the pedestal that is east of the Temple. Everyone but M'kynzi knew that that was where I was going to be proposing, and so each couple got up on the pedestal and took some pictures, and of course we went last. For those who know, M'kynzi doesn't necessarily like having her picture taken and after 3 maybe 4 pictures, she decides she is done with pictures, and gets down from the pedestal. Dan was a quick thinker and said, "Can we get one more? I am trying to get the Temple in the background, and its blurry." So M'kynzi gets back up and I knew it was now or never. I bent down, to scratch my leg and make an easy transition to getting on my knee, but then M'kynzi bends down too. I ask her what she is doing and she asks if we are doing a picture down there! I told her to stand back up. Once she was back up, and I was on my knee, I pulled the ring out, and asked M'kynzi to marry me. Instead of the "YES!" I was hoping to hear, she said, "You are not doing this right now! There are people here!" I followed that with, "I know, will you marry me?" She said yes, and the celebration began. In the meantime, Roger and Dan are taking pictures, and Afton, Roger's date, is shooting the video. M'kynzi had no clue! That is probably the second best part of this story! Second only to the fact that she said yes! After we took a few more pictures, we actually did have reservations to make at the Roof that Mom had paid for. I purchased a flower arrangement of 7 red roses, one for each month, that was placed on the table when we got there. Seth works at the Roof and hooked us up with the best seat in the house! It was such a wonderful night! One that I am surely never to forget! After dinner, we went to M'kynzi's house and told her parents even though they already knew that I would be proposing that night. They were certainly happy! We dont have a date as of yet, but we are thinking we will probably get married on April 30th 2010 in the Salt Lake Temple. Then if all goes well, we will be heading out to another state for me to start Physical Therapy school!
I truly love M'kynzi! I know that marrying her is going to be the source of so much happiness in my life, in part because she has already been that source for me! I know marriage is hard, but its going to be wonderful learning and growing with her as we both grow in the gospel and toward Christ! I love her so much and I look forward to spending eternity with her!

Craziness!

So to be honest, there isn't that much that is going on in my life that I wanted to update people on, I was just thinking that it had been a while since I had done anything on here. Turns out, it hasn't been that long but I figured that while I was here, I might as well update.

I think the most pressing issue that anyone may be looking for answers to is whether or not I am dating anyone. Good news, I am still dating M'kynzi! She is wonderful! She makes me happy all the time, and she can handle it when I am being grumpy (it happens every once in a while!) I have gotten to know her alot better recently thanks to a game called loaded questions. I know that we aren't actually playing it correctly, but we are just reading the questions to each other, and having a great time getting to know each other. If you haven't played it, I suggest it! There are some pretty random questions in there, some that you may already know the answer to, and even some that you dont want to know the answer to! Anyway, I am loving spending time with M'kynzi, and I only see that getting better as time goes on. I am getting to know alot of her family too, and they are great! I like spending time with them too, though, not as much as I like spending time with M'kynzi! I look at the closeness that they have in their family and I am a little envious of it. Are they a perfect family, no, but they are an amazing family, one that I would want to model my family after. M'kynzi is great, I love her and I am excited to see where things go with her, as I only see things being incredible!

Callings and job are the same as before, I am liking my work study position, its alot of fun, and I am learning some good on the job training that I haven't learned from working in the hospital all these years.

Fourth of July was alot of fun. I didn't really do that much, but I did get to eat dinner with the Taylors and then we went to the firework show in Holladay. I dont know where the money comes from, but they do an amazing show there set to music. Its always super long and very entertaining. There was a fairly large group of us, both from my ward and from my college life that were there just having a good time.

I started playing baseball again, just cause I had an itch for it. In my first game back this season, I hit a home run! It was my first one ever! I also had a base hit, 3 walks, 4 stolen bases, 5 runs scored, and 2 RBI!! It was a great game, and M'kynzi missed it cause of her family reunion that she went to. The next game, she was able to come to, and I did terrible. I got a walk, and I had a nice catch, but I flied out twice and struck out once. Oh well, I love playing, and I am guessing that I will continue to do so in the future. Dave said that I am welcome to come to all the games in the future for the rest of the season, and I surely will!

Anyway, here I am, still living the dream, and anxious for football season to start to I can watch the Utes extend the longest winning streak in the nation! GO UTES!!!

Update Time!

So, its been a little while since I have updated anyone that reads this little blog, so I guess its about time.

Last you knew, I was getting ready for the semester to start and fearing it. Turns out that the semester wasn't that difficult, despite the efforts by my teachers to make it tough. My grades weren't the highest that I have had, but not too bad. Definitely room to improve. The best thing about the end of the semester was that I was able to finally be done with physics. Physics was probably the worst college experience that I have had so far, but I was able to finish it and have decent grades from it. I am just so glad that it is over!

I finished up my calling as a pledge trainer in my chapter of Sigma Gamma Chi (SGC), and then was extended an new calling on the Interchapter Council (IC) as the Campus Relations Officer. Basically the calling entails being a liaison between SGC and the rest of campus. I will also help out with any issues that the individual chapters might have. It will definitely keep me busy. The unfortunate thing is that this wont be the only thing I have going on over the next year. As of last week, I was called to be the 2nd counsellor in the Elders Quorum. Now I have been a counsellor before in the Presidency, and I didn't really do that much, but that was in a singles ward, not a student ward, so I might be a little more busy.

So, just to keep you up to date, that is 2 stake callings. To add to that, I will be continuing to be working at the Veterans Hospital, 20 hours a week, and As of last week, I will be working in a PT clinic on campus working with a Diabetes group. I will be responsible for logging blood pressures, blood sugars, and heart rates when the patients come into the clinic, and then before they leave, just to make sure they are within an acceptable range. This is going to be another 6-10 hours on top of my current 20 hours at the VA.

That brings us to two stake callings, and two jobs. As if this wasn't enough, I am going to have a full school schedule that is going to require a fair share of time in order to maintain a high GPA so I look good when I am applying to PT schools. That is another thing that is going to be keeping me busy during the summer, filling out applications for the various PT schools. There are a few schools that I am wanting to go to, but most all of them are due in November. I am also taking a couple classes from SLCC in order to get me ready for some of the classes that I will be taking in the fall at the U. They aren't too tough, but it kinda sucks taking classes during the summer. They aren't too tough, so I guess its not too bad. I can look at it as preparation for PT school, as I will be taking classes during each summer for the next 3 years.

So the last time consuming thing in my life is the most enjoyable one. I have been dating a girl for the last 3 months, and its wonderful! Her name is M'kynzi, and I just think the world of her. Hopefully this will be something that lasts for a while too, but who knows. I was joking with one of my friends, that if I got married, that would eliminate both of my callings! But since it has only been 3 months, that isn't really something on my mind. She is a great girl, and she makes me happy! We have been just having a lot of fun being sarcastic and teasing each other constantly. That's one of the best things about her! I can tease her, and she can handle it! Not many of the girls I have dated have been able to do that! I get it from my brothers, they were always doing that with me, and it has just become part of my personality.

I got to go to St. George a couple of weeks ago with some of the people from my ward and M'kynzi came. The main reason was so that we could go golfing. One of the guys that went, is the step grandson of a guy that owns a major part of a golf course down there, so we got to go for a considerable discount. While I was down there, I was able to see Mike and Danielle. Danielle has moved back down there, and was living with Mike even though they weren't married. By the time I got down there Danielle had moved out, and was just living life. I was so good to see them! I love them so much, and I worry about them so much, but I know that Heavenly Father will take care of them.

Overall, I am super happy and I love life! I have been riding my motorcycle (when the weather allows. It has been raining nearly everyday for the last month.) and loving it! I know that I will be busy over the next year, but I am OK with it. I know that if I put God first that everything that is going on in my life will go the way it is supposed to. It such a relief to know that. It takes away a lot of worries in my life.

Anywho, that has been my life for the last 6 months, and I am excited to see how the next year plays out! There will be some big things happening, and I am excited about it!

School

So today was the first day of school for probably one of my most hectic schedules. I am currently signed up for 7 classes, and that equals out to be 16 credits. One of my classes is Trig, which is a class that I am retaking. It doesn't seem that it will be all that difficult and my teacher seems like he will be a good one. I still have yet to go to two of my classes (they are tuesday and thursday classes) but I think that it is going to be pretty crazy. The one class that without a doubt will kick my butt is going to be my Physics class. It is the second semester of it, and my professor tells me that it is going to require even more work than Physics 1 took. This does not bode well for me. Adding to my dismay, my teacher is french, and has quite the accent. I am not a fan of this. The only benefit in the class is that my TA from last semester is a TA for physics 2 this semester, and he is the best TA I have ever had. He helped so much last semester! This is certainly going to be a busy 4 months, but I know that the Lord is going to help me through it. I have, at the urging of others, turned this semester over to Him. I know that I will not be able to succeed in a way that I want to unless I do this. It is hard, because I want to be in charge of something that can affect my future. Oh well, that Heavenly Father guy is pretty darn smart. I have heard that He knows what He is doing.

This week is also Rush Week for Sigma Gamma Chi and Lambda Delta Sigma. I am one of the pledge trainers, so the next couple of weeks are going to be filled with getting to know new guys that will be in Delta. I am excited for the opportunity though. I have been really lucky to be able to get to know the guys from last semester pretty well. It has been great! I think it will be another good semester for us. I like being able to have a small effect on the new guys, plus watching them make fools out of themselves is pretty fun HAHA!

I still haven't really figured out anything with the move to Alsaka, but I am thinking more and more that I should just quit the VA and move there for the summer and study to become a personal trainer and just do that after I come home. I have kinda been told that its not likely that I will have a job for me when I come home anyways, so I might as well just quit. I think the problem lies in the fact that the economy is not so good right now. Having a government job is a pretty secure job and I dont have much of a fear of being fired. They love me there, but it also takes about 3 years to fire someone after they have been there for over a year. Being a personal trainer isn't as much of a secure job. If people are being more tight with money, they probably wont be going to a personal trainer. The benefits of it though, is that it would be much more of a flexible job when it comes to school. I would be able to be paid just as much, and over time, maybe more. I think that being a personal trainer would look good on my resume when I apply to PT school because I would have a ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine) certification. This is more highly looked upon by PT schools from what I have been told.

Oh well, decisions, decisions. I guess its time for some of that prayer stuff.

New Years

So its a new year. I am not typically the type to make new years resolutions, and I really dont think that I am going to this year. I do have some goals though. I have been looking at past relationships recently. They obviously didn't work, so something needs to change. I am not really sure what that is yet, and I am not entirely sure that I could have done more in some of those relationships to help them work out, but I did what I could. I have recently asked some of the girls that I dated, the ones that will still talk to me, what it is that I could have done better. I told them that "nothing" was an acceptable answer. One of the girls I asked successfully avoided that question, but another one was great and was full of answers. I didn't know how I felt about that, but I took it with a grain of salt. Most of the things that were said weren't things that were dont when I was dating the girl, but rather afterwards. This tells me one thing right away. I need to work on actual friendships. I am sure there are things that I need to work on though, even if these friends of mine didn't tell me. So one of my goals for the coming year is to work on my relationships, both present and future.

Another goal of mine for the coming year, which will benefit me in the future as well, is to establish a new list of priorities. The Gospel will always come first in my life, and family will always be a close second. Its the friends, school, and relationships that I need to establish an order for. I dont really know what order they are currently in, with the exception of relationships. That is pretty much last right now. But I think its time that that changes. My friend Shane has helped me realize a few things, and has helped me think that its about time. I realized over the holidays that I was kinda lonely, even though I was hanging out with my family and freinds most of the time. Throughout my dating life I have usually been more happy when I was dating someone. Now I am not saying that I am not happy right now, I just like having that someone around to share silly and stupid moments that make me laugh and bring a smile to my face. Now that I have given you that little whining moment, let move on. I am going to be taking what will probably be the most difficult class in my life, Physics 2. I did ok in my Physics 1 class, but I was working my butt off. I have to do well in this class in order to make it into Physical Therapy school, something that is very important to me right now. I feel that I am capable of this, and I feel like the Lord will be there with me to help me do it.

This year is going to be fun. There will be much excitement coming my way, and much improvement and growth coming my way. Its going to be a great year, and I am so ready for it!