Random Thoughts

Eff.

2010-02-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

She looked good tonight. That's all.

Moving On

2010-02-15T18:59:00.000-08:00

So lately it has been my duty to move on. At first I thought that I was doing pretty good, but the more I saw her, the more I realized that I hadn't moved on at all. I started to find an interest in a girl, and that distracted me for about 3 days, but then I got a wake up call when I was told she was dating someone else. In the past, any time I needed to get over a girl, I just went on as many dates as I could. The problem now though is that I don't really want to date because I know that as soon as I do, the memories will start to fade. I just don't know if I am ready for that. Even though I know I need to. This is the only way that I am going to be able to move on, and a large part of me just doesn't want to yet. Out of obligation I went on a date with a friend to the Sigma Gamma Chi formal, and while I had a bunch of fun, and danced the night away, it just wasn't the same. I know that it isn't fair for me to compare girls, but it was so hard not to. I knew that there wasn't much of anything between my date and I, but for some reason I still compared.

I AM going to get over this. I am doing the right things right now, and by nature of the way that the Lord works, and how He has worked in my life in the past, I will get over this. It is still going to take some time, but He will help me get over this.

I just wish that it would be consistently warm so that I could take out the current love of my life. I have some new body work for my motorcycle, and it will look good once I have it all on and painted.

Hard Times

2010-01-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

I think that the last week has been the hardest for me. I keep seeing M'kynzi everywhere and while that isn't normally a bad thing by any means, I cant help but think that she isn't mine, nor will she be mine in the foreseeable future, every time I see her.

I think about the time we spent together

I think about her family and how much I miss them.

I think about her influence on me.

I think about the love she had, and still has for me.

I think about how I have just lost my best friend.

I think her smell.

I think about the way she would make me smile just by simply sitting by me.

I think about how she would hold my hand and would re-adjust if it wasn't right.

I think about her ring digging into me, but since I was holding her hand, I dealt with it.

I think about the late nights we had holding each other while we fell asleep in the love sac watching a movie.

I think about the games we would play in the car.

I think about how she made me feel the moment she would walk into the room.

I think about the first date we had.

I think about the proposal.

I think about how easily she took my breath away.

I think about how we would decided if people around us were on a first date while we were out to dinner.

I think about so many things the instant that I see her, and then the dreadful thought enters into my mind that I don't get to add to these memories anymore. That she is going to be making new memories with someone else that is going to be better for her. And that soon enough, those memories are going to replace ours. It kills me that this same thing is going to happen to me. I hate that the memories will fade.

Last week I realized that things weren't getting better. I still don't really know if the decision was the right decision, but M'kynzi is confident that it is right, so what other choice do I have? I discovered that things between she and I have only gotten more and more awkward. We almost can't stand to even be near each other. I know the reason I feel that way, and I only hope that it is the same for her.

I went to the temple yesterday to pray and ask about us. I needed to know for sure if this decision was right or wrong. I needed help if it was wrong that M'kynzi would know that also. I needed help if it was right that I would be okay with it. I have a good feeling that I have gotten my answer, but I refuse to accept it. I don't want to let go of her. Ever.

Sometimes I wish I could forget everything. But then I realize how much of me would be missing. I certainly wouldn't be the person that I am today if I just forgot about M'kynzi and the memories we have had. I guess for now though, until we are able to have some semblance of a friendship, she is only going to be a memory.

I told her that I can't put on the show anymore. I can't put on this facade that everything is okay, and that nothing is wrong in my life. I am still happy overall, but I am hurting inside, pretty badly. There is a song by The Tony Rich Project called Nobody Knows, and it is kind of the theme of my life right now. Not everything in it applies to the situation, but its pretty spot on otherwise. Here are the lyrics.

Wish I'd told her how I felt, then maybe she'd be here right now, but
instead...

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more everyday
And I'm dyin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say, the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly, but you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody know it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still

The nights are lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Yeah, Ohh, uhh, whoa, omom,
Nobody, nobody, but me.....

Tomorrow morning I'm hittin' the dusty road
Gonna find you where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna unload my heart
And hope you come back to me

Yeah, said when the nights are lonely...
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me...

I am only comforted right now by my Heavenly Father, the same person that because he can see everything and can know everything, He placed me in this situation. And I hate it.

I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me.

It's Over

2010-01-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

Well, first things first, my relationship with M'kynzi is officially over. As I was leaving work, M'kynzi was in the parking lot waiting to talk to me. She and I had been texting earlier that day, and I had told her about my week. I had one of the worst weeks that I have had concerning my situation in that I was missing M'kynzi so badly, more so than I had to that point. We were started talking in her car and it was just casual talking, filling in each other on the past few days since we had last talked, doing what we normally would do while we were dating. We decided that it would be good to move to the institute and we continued to talk. At this point, I kinda knew what exactly was going to happen in this conversation, because she kept avoiding the topic of us. She said this was because it was just easier to talk the way we were instead of having the serious talk that was on the horizon. We talked, and she said that she didn't think that we should try dating again. She said that the reason that she got the answer of "not yet" was because she wasn't ready for marriage. She said that it wouldn't be fair for her to ask me to wait for her to be ready for marriage. I can't say that I disagree with her about that. I have tried waiting for other girls that I have dated, and it sucked. But I will say that I think M'kynzi is well worth the wait. Regardless of what I think, the situation is not going change.

I think that a marriage will work between any two people that strive to live the commandments, and that there isn't one specific person that we are supposed to marry. I also think that there is not a person alive that is completely ready for marriage. Marriage is a learning process that happens throughout the marriage. One of the things that M'kynzi said is that she thinks that I am ready for marriage, and she isn't to that point yet. One thing that I have learned though, is that the Lord doesn't work on our time-table, he works on his own time-table. And whether we think we are ready for something or not, if the Lord thinks we are, the opportunity presents itself and it is up to us to take advantage of it. I was talking to my brother about this and he was saying that marriage is as much about finding someone you are attracted to as it is finding someone that you can be around for eternity, and be happy. I agree with him when he said that there are times in a marriage that it is just plain hard, but since you love one another, and you love the Lord, you get over it.

I think the hardest part to all of this is that this isn't the first time that I have gotten an answer like this, that the girl I was dating just wasn't quite ready for the type of relationship that I was apparently ready for. I don't know what it is that I do that brings this upon me, but I am really good at it I guess.

I proposed to M'kynzi because I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do. I was scared out of my mind at the thought of it, in part because a part of me thought that I would never get to that point. I proposed because I knew it was the next step in our relationship, and because I thought that we were both at that point.

I love M'kynzi to death. I always will. She is the best person that has ever come into my life. She made the last 9 months or so the best of my life. She has brought so much happiness into my life. She has changed, for the better, the way I view things. Because I spent so much time with her, and did so many things with her, everywhere I look and everywhere I go, I see her. That isn't a bad thing, she is still a great friend that knows so much more about me that nearly all of my friends. I still consider her to be one of my best friends.

I wish that things could be different, but they aren't and it is up to me to move on. I have no doubts that the Lord knows what He is doing, and He wouldn't allow me to go through this without some sort of reason. It is hard to move forward without any of the reasons, but I trust that I will have those things made known to me at the right time. I know that they wont be given to me until I move on though, so that is obviously one of my goals for the time being. I will be taking my time in doing so, but I am not going to let this situation get the best of me.

I have said this before, and I will say it again. I am excited for the person that I am becoming because of the heartache and hardships that I am going through because of this situation. I continue to make changes in my life that are making me the person I need to be for my eternal companion. Through the Lord, I am capable of doing amazing things, and I think I am ready for that. I am ready to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord in a way that I haven't been in the past. I know He loves me, and I am going to show Him that I love Him too.

Having said all of this, feel free to give me a hug when you see me next, cause I am still hurting inside.

Christmas!

2010-01-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas and New Years has come and gone! Crazy! Obviously, at the beginning of the year there is always time for reflection, so I am going to do that a little. I can easily say that 2009 has been the best year of my life! As many of you know (and anyone that is reading this and other posts know) there has been many ups, and in my opinion, only one down albeit a large down. I have never been as happy as I was in 2009, but the good thing is that even with the large downer of the end of my engagement, I can honestly say that I didn't also experience the saddest time of my life. As bad as the experience has been, it has been a real eye opener for me and I am loving it. This last year, mostly M'kynzi's doing, has given me so many opportunities for growth, both spiritually and emotionally. I have increased my capacity to love in a way I didn't think was possible in my relationship with M'kynzi. I have learned and continue to learn how important family is. Through my experience with M'kynzi, my family, and to some degree, M'kynzi's family has been huge for me. They have shown me how much they love me in a way that they haven't done to this point in my life. Quite honestly it has surprised the heck out of me.

I have learned that I am not even close to being in charge of my life, and quite honestly it kinda sucks. But the one who is in charge, the Lord, knows what is going on so I guess I have to be ok with it. I admit, I get frustrated at times when I dont get to be more involved with the major decisions in my life, but I tend to think that that is normal so I dont worry about it too much.

I have learned to be happy no matter what. I have too many great things in my life not to be completely happy. Yeah, there are some things that I wish were different, but you know, they aren't different, and there isn't much I can do to change them. The Lord has given me a curveball and I am given the opportunity to see how I react to it. I tend to think that I am reacting pretty freakin' well, and I plan on being a better person after every curveball I am thrown.

I am really happy with the way 2009 went, and I am so incredibly happy and excited for the things that will happen in 2010. I have graduation to look forward to, possibly PT school, and a possible move. Things will be great, and I am excited for the curveballs that are going to be thrown my way cause I know I handle it. I am excited to see what will happen with M'kynzi and I, because I have a feeling that it will be good! I love her to death, and I am certain that things are going to work out.

Update

2009-12-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

So I thought that I would just give a quick update on things. M'kynzi and I are still not together, but we are still uncertain of what it is that we are doing. When we got our answers, they weren't very definitive. I was told that I should call off the engagement, and M'kynzi's answer was "not now." We are still trying to figure out if we should date or if dating would only cause more heartache in the long run. I feel that we are just on hold for now, and just waiting to see what happens. We are in much more communication now, and are talking much more than we were the first week, which is nice. It is still really hard to see her, cause I cant hold her hand, and I cant kiss her, and I cant hold her. I talked with her for about an hour and a half on friday, and I loved it! No progress was made in our relationship, but it was just so good to see her and talk to her like we did just a few weeks ago. The only downfall is that ever since I talked to her, people have been noticing that I seem a little down. I didn't think that my emotions were showing that much, but apparently they were. I have been in intense prayer for the last few weeks, and it has helped a lot, but I still have my nights when I am crying myself to sleep.

I love her so much, and it doesn't seem fair to have to go through this. I have realized how much I love her, and that is great. M'kynzi told me one friday that she thinks she loves me more than she did prior to this. I can honestly say the same.

In a talk that I have read since this happened, it said that sometimes, even when you have had a spiritual confirmation about the relationship it can still end in heartache because quite simply, people change. I have looked at my life, and I am certain that I have changed. I hadn't been to the temple while M'kynzi and I were dating or while we were engaged. Since this all, I have been able to go 3 times, and I have made it a goal of mine to make it to the temple on a weekly basis. I am determined to get myself back to the person that I once was. The great thing is that even if this doesn't make me the person that I was when M'kynzi and I started dating, I am going to be a better person for having gone to the temple anyway. One of the counselors in a bishopric of one of my wards once said that if you want to marry a ten, you have to be a ten. I think that M'kynzi is about a one million, and I am just trying to get to that point. The temple is certainly one way that I am going to be able to do that. I feel that I am a lot more sincere in my prayers now too. I think that is one of the reasons that I have been able to get answers to my prayers so easily lately.

There are definitely some good eternal consequences that are coming from this all and as great as that is, I dont see a lot of those benefits right now. The only things that I see right now are the painful things, especially the heartache and the loneliness. This is going to be a good "soul searching" time for me. I have already started making some changes in my life, and I am going to make any others that are necessary. I am sure at some point I am going to be grateful for this experience, regardless of the outcome.

So all in all, I am still here, alive and mostly well. I am waiting impatiently for M'kynzi to figure things out and to receive her answer. I know that she is worth the wait. It just sucks. I told her plenty of times while we were dating that patience is a virtue, and now I am having to show that virtue. I know that we will both be better people regardless of the outcome and that is always something to look forward to. Something else to look forward to is the fact that if things end up working out the way we hope that it does we are going to be so amazing! We will both be millions!

M'kynzi, I am sure that you are going to read this, and when you do, I want you to know that I love you. I tell you that still because it is still true. I have told you before that I will love you always and forever, and that is not going to change. I am still in this with you while we are on hold, and I am anxiously awaiting your answer! I love you!

Less Excitement......

2009-12-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

So, if you read my last blog, you got to experience the great fun I got to experience when I got engaged. Well, since then, things are a little different. On Tuesday the 1st, M'kynzi and I were in her car talking, and she said that she wasn't feeling completely comfortable with our decision to be engaged and to get married. As a result of that, we decided that we needed to fast and pray about our decision. We talked the next day and we both had discovered that we shouldn't be engaged anymore. Still to this day, I don't know if we are supposed to be dating. Tonight was the first time that I have talked to her since Wednesday, and it was so nice! I needed that so bad! I never thought that I could be so dependent on someone for happiness! For the last 8, almost 9 months, I have been the one to comfort M'kynzi when she needed it and I haven't been able to do it. I have been trying to avoid her, only because I don't want to cry the moment I see her. If the only thing that I was supposed to learn from this is how much I need her in my life, well, lesson learned. The fortunate thing about it all is that from what I know, there is still a chance that we could end up together forever, but I have yet to have that confirmed to me by the Lord. I guess looking at it all this is just typical of our relationship, lots of uncertainty. Uncertainty in where we would live, where I would go to school, what we would do for work, if M'kynzi would be able to go to school for law school, and several other things. I guess overall, I am dealing with this whole situation as best as I can. I am staying optimistic, knowing that things will work out. I cant argue with the Lord, I know I will lose. Its so hard knowing that someone that I love so much, might not be with me for eternity, she might just be a friend, and as nice as that is, it kinda sucks.

I have learned a few things. Number one, listening to the Spirit is important. Number two is that listening to the Spirit sometimes sucks. No matter how many times someone tells me that everything happens for a reason and that there is someone better for me out there, I am still going to hate the fact that we have to deal with this and that things don't work out the way I wanted them to. I just wish sometimes I had more of a say in some of the major decisions in my life.

Regardless of the situation, my feelings for M'kynzi are no different now than they were 2 weeks ago. I still love her immensely and I still want to do anything for her, but unfortunately right now, I cant.

At the end of the day, things have happened the way they have, and there isn't much I can do about it without giving up some happiness. I am going to be praying to know about the status of my relationship with M'kynzi right now, and hopefully that answer will come sooner than later, but who knows.

The Church is true, and God really knows what is going on, because He knows the whole picture, I just wish sometimes that He wasn't so much of a picture hog. I wish He would share a little more than He does right now!

Excitement!

2009-10-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while since I have written on here so I thought I would update a bit, since there has been a significant change in my like recently. But first a quick update on everything else. Jobs and callings are still the same, and I still feel like I am running around like crazy. I dont think I am going to get a chance to slow done for a while. One of the best things lately has been watching college football lately! It has given me such a break from the normal run of the mill activities that I do everyday! I have been traveling to see some of the games, and it has been great! I got to go to Oregon, and even though it was the end of the Utes 16 game winning streak, it was a great time up there! I loved Portland! I also got to go to Vegas to see them play against the Rebels of UNLV. Amber hooked us up with a place to sleep, so that was great! I went down with Paul, Dash and Scott. They made the trip even more fun!
Football certainly hasn't been the only fun I have been having though. As you all know, I have been dating M'kynzi for the last little while, and we have gotten to the point of being serious. September 7th, I bought a ring for her! She came with me, so she knew that I was going to be proposing at some point in time, she just didn't know when I would be popping the big question! A few weeks before I was going to ask M'kynzi to marry me, I of course did some things to make her think that I was going to propose. I took her to the same places that we went on our first date way back on March 20th. We went to Firehouse Pizzeria, and then went to Orchard Lanes for some bowling, then back to her place for some Wii bowling. The next week, I took her out on another date, just to make her get in the habit of going on dates with me. I had to take her out on a Thursday, cause I was going to be going to Vegas for the game that weekend. The next week, was the week of the Air Force game. I had been working with a few people to get some things arranged for the proposal namely Dan Brinton, Roger Sengthavychith, and Seth Fullmer. I chose Dan and Roger because they each have really nice cameras and would be able to take some good pictures of everything. So the plan was for Dan to turn around during halftime of the game and say to us, "I was just talking with Roger, and we had a group date set up with reservations for 8 at the Garden restaurant, but one of the couples dropped out. Do you guys want to come?" Now I had previously told M'kynzi that I wanted to take her out on a date that night, I just didn't know what we would do so of course I jumped at the chance to go on a date with her that was already set up! Dan told us to meet down at Temple Square at 645 in front of the Christus and we would go from there. We get there and then find out that the reservations weren't until 8 pm. We decide that we are going to go around and just take pictures. Roger and Dan of course have their cameras, and Roger's date had a video camera. (She happened to be from out of town, so M'kynzi didn't think anything of it. And since Roger and Dan always have their cameras with them, again she didn't think anything of it.) So we are wandering around, taking pictures and doing some of the "married couple" pictures all over Temple Square and we get up to the pedestal that is east of the Temple. Everyone but M'kynzi knew that that was where I was going to be proposing, and so each couple got up on the pedestal and took some pictures, and of course we went last. For those who know, M'kynzi doesn't necessarily like having her picture taken and after 3 maybe 4 pictures, she decides she is done with pictures, and gets down from the pedestal. Dan was a quick thinker and said, "Can we get one more? I am trying to get the Temple in the background, and its blurry." So M'kynzi gets back up and I knew it was now or never. I bent down, to scratch my leg and make an easy transition to getting on my knee, but then M'kynzi bends down too. I ask her what she is doing and she asks if we are doing a picture down there! I told her to stand back up. Once she was back up, and I was on my knee, I pulled the ring out, and asked M'kynzi to marry me. Instead of the "YES!" I was hoping to hear, she said, "You are not doing this right now! There are people here!" I followed that with, "I know, will you marry me?" She said yes, and the celebration began. In the meantime, Roger and Dan are taking pictures, and Afton, Roger's date, is shooting the video. M'kynzi had no clue! That is probably the second best part of this story! Second only to the fact that she said yes! After we took a few more pictures, we actually did have reservations to make at the Roof that Mom had paid for. I purchased a flower arrangement of 7 red roses, one for each month, that was placed on the table when we got there. Seth works at the Roof and hooked us up with the best seat in the house! It was such a wonderful night! One that I am surely never to forget! After dinner, we went to M'kynzi's house and told her parents even though they already knew that I would be proposing that night. They were certainly happy! We dont have a date as of yet, but we are thinking we will probably get married on April 30th 2010 in the Salt Lake Temple. Then if all goes well, we will be heading out to another state for me to start Physical Therapy school!
I truly love M'kynzi! I know that marrying her is going to be the source of so much happiness in my life, in part because she has already been that source for me! I know marriage is hard, but its going to be wonderful learning and growing with her as we both grow in the gospel and toward Christ! I love her so much and I look forward to spending eternity with her!

Craziness!

2009-07-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

So to be honest, there isn't that much that is going on in my life that I wanted to update people on, I was just thinking that it had been a while since I had done anything on here. Turns out, it hasn't been that long but I figured that while I was here, I might as well update.

I think the most pressing issue that anyone may be looking for answers to is whether or not I am dating anyone. Good news, I am still dating M'kynzi! She is wonderful! She makes me happy all the time, and she can handle it when I am being grumpy (it happens every once in a while!) I have gotten to know her alot better recently thanks to a game called loaded questions. I know that we aren't actually playing it correctly, but we are just reading the questions to each other, and having a great time getting to know each other. If you haven't played it, I suggest it! There are some pretty random questions in there, some that you may already know the answer to, and even some that you dont want to know the answer to! Anyway, I am loving spending time with M'kynzi, and I only see that getting better as time goes on. I am getting to know alot of her family too, and they are great! I like spending time with them too, though, not as much as I like spending time with M'kynzi! I look at the closeness that they have in their family and I am a little envious of it. Are they a perfect family, no, but they are an amazing family, one that I would want to model my family after. M'kynzi is great, I love her and I am excited to see where things go with her, as I only see things being incredible!

Callings and job are the same as before, I am liking my work study position, its alot of fun, and I am learning some good on the job training that I haven't learned from working in the hospital all these years.

Fourth of July was alot of fun. I didn't really do that much, but I did get to eat dinner with the Taylors and then we went to the firework show in Holladay. I dont know where the money comes from, but they do an amazing show there set to music. Its always super long and very entertaining. There was a fairly large group of us, both from my ward and from my college life that were there just having a good time.

I started playing baseball again, just cause I had an itch for it. In my first game back this season, I hit a home run! It was my first one ever! I also had a base hit, 3 walks, 4 stolen bases, 5 runs scored, and 2 RBI!! It was a great game, and M'kynzi missed it cause of her family reunion that she went to. The next game, she was able to come to, and I did terrible. I got a walk, and I had a nice catch, but I flied out twice and struck out once. Oh well, I love playing, and I am guessing that I will continue to do so in the future. Dave said that I am welcome to come to all the games in the future for the rest of the season, and I surely will!

Anyway, here I am, still living the dream, and anxious for football season to start to I can watch the Utes extend the longest winning streak in the nation! GO UTES!!!

Update Time!

2009-06-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

So, its been a little while since I have updated anyone that reads this little blog, so I guess its about time.

Last you knew, I was getting ready for the semester to start and fearing it. Turns out that the semester wasn't that difficult, despite the efforts by my teachers to make it tough. My grades weren't the highest that I have had, but not too bad. Definitely room to improve. The best thing about the end of the semester was that I was able to finally be done with physics. Physics was probably the worst college experience that I have had so far, but I was able to finish it and have decent grades from it. I am just so glad that it is over!

I finished up my calling as a pledge trainer in my chapter of Sigma Gamma Chi (SGC), and then was extended an new calling on the Interchapter Council (IC) as the Campus Relations Officer. Basically the calling entails being a liaison between SGC and the rest of campus. I will also help out with any issues that the individual chapters might have. It will definitely keep me busy. The unfortunate thing is that this wont be the only thing I have going on over the next year. As of last week, I was called to be the 2nd counsellor in the Elders Quorum. Now I have been a counsellor before in the Presidency, and I didn't really do that much, but that was in a singles ward, not a student ward, so I might be a little more busy.

So, just to keep you up to date, that is 2 stake callings. To add to that, I will be continuing to be working at the Veterans Hospital, 20 hours a week, and As of last week, I will be working in a PT clinic on campus working with a Diabetes group. I will be responsible for logging blood pressures, blood sugars, and heart rates when the patients come into the clinic, and then before they leave, just to make sure they are within an acceptable range. This is going to be another 6-10 hours on top of my current 20 hours at the VA.

That brings us to two stake callings, and two jobs. As if this wasn't enough, I am going to have a full school schedule that is going to require a fair share of time in order to maintain a high GPA so I look good when I am applying to PT schools. That is another thing that is going to be keeping me busy during the summer, filling out applications for the various PT schools. There are a few schools that I am wanting to go to, but most all of them are due in November. I am also taking a couple classes from SLCC in order to get me ready for some of the classes that I will be taking in the fall at the U. They aren't too tough, but it kinda sucks taking classes during the summer. They aren't too tough, so I guess its not too bad. I can look at it as preparation for PT school, as I will be taking classes during each summer for the next 3 years.

So the last time consuming thing in my life is the most enjoyable one. I have been dating a girl for the last 3 months, and its wonderful! Her name is M'kynzi, and I just think the world of her. Hopefully this will be something that lasts for a while too, but who knows. I was joking with one of my friends, that if I got married, that would eliminate both of my callings! But since it has only been 3 months, that isn't really something on my mind. She is a great girl, and she makes me happy! We have been just having a lot of fun being sarcastic and teasing each other constantly. That's one of the best things about her! I can tease her, and she can handle it! Not many of the girls I have dated have been able to do that! I get it from my brothers, they were always doing that with me, and it has just become part of my personality.

I got to go to St. George a couple of weeks ago with some of the people from my ward and M'kynzi came. The main reason was so that we could go golfing. One of the guys that went, is the step grandson of a guy that owns a major part of a golf course down there, so we got to go for a considerable discount. While I was down there, I was able to see Mike and Danielle. Danielle has moved back down there, and was living with Mike even though they weren't married. By the time I got down there Danielle had moved out, and was just living life. I was so good to see them! I love them so much, and I worry about them so much, but I know that Heavenly Father will take care of them.

Overall, I am super happy and I love life! I have been riding my motorcycle (when the weather allows. It has been raining nearly everyday for the last month.) and loving it! I know that I will be busy over the next year, but I am OK with it. I know that if I put God first that everything that is going on in my life will go the way it is supposed to. It such a relief to know that. It takes away a lot of worries in my life.

Anywho, that has been my life for the last 6 months, and I am excited to see how the next year plays out! There will be some big things happening, and I am excited about it!

School

2009-01-12T18:23:00.000-08:00

So today was the first day of school for probably one of my most hectic schedules. I am currently signed up for 7 classes, and that equals out to be 16 credits. One of my classes is Trig, which is a class that I am retaking. It doesn't seem that it will be all that difficult and my teacher seems like he will be a good one. I still have yet to go to two of my classes (they are tuesday and thursday classes) but I think that it is going to be pretty crazy. The one class that without a doubt will kick my butt is going to be my Physics class. It is the second semester of it, and my professor tells me that it is going to require even more work than Physics 1 took. This does not bode well for me. Adding to my dismay, my teacher is french, and has quite the accent. I am not a fan of this. The only benefit in the class is that my TA from last semester is a TA for physics 2 this semester, and he is the best TA I have ever had. He helped so much last semester! This is certainly going to be a busy 4 months, but I know that the Lord is going to help me through it. I have, at the urging of others, turned this semester over to Him. I know that I will not be able to succeed in a way that I want to unless I do this. It is hard, because I want to be in charge of something that can affect my future. Oh well, that Heavenly Father guy is pretty darn smart. I have heard that He knows what He is doing.

This week is also Rush Week for Sigma Gamma Chi and Lambda Delta Sigma. I am one of the pledge trainers, so the next couple of weeks are going to be filled with getting to know new guys that will be in Delta. I am excited for the opportunity though. I have been really lucky to be able to get to know the guys from last semester pretty well. It has been great! I think it will be another good semester for us. I like being able to have a small effect on the new guys, plus watching them make fools out of themselves is pretty fun HAHA!

I still haven't really figured out anything with the move to Alsaka, but I am thinking more and more that I should just quit the VA and move there for the summer and study to become a personal trainer and just do that after I come home. I have kinda been told that its not likely that I will have a job for me when I come home anyways, so I might as well just quit. I think the problem lies in the fact that the economy is not so good right now. Having a government job is a pretty secure job and I dont have much of a fear of being fired. They love me there, but it also takes about 3 years to fire someone after they have been there for over a year. Being a personal trainer isn't as much of a secure job. If people are being more tight with money, they probably wont be going to a personal trainer. The benefits of it though, is that it would be much more of a flexible job when it comes to school. I would be able to be paid just as much, and over time, maybe more. I think that being a personal trainer would look good on my resume when I apply to PT school because I would have a ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine) certification. This is more highly looked upon by PT schools from what I have been told.

Oh well, decisions, decisions. I guess its time for some of that prayer stuff.

New Years

2009-01-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

So its a new year. I am not typically the type to make new years resolutions, and I really dont think that I am going to this year. I do have some goals though. I have been looking at past relationships recently. They obviously didn't work, so something needs to change. I am not really sure what that is yet, and I am not entirely sure that I could have done more in some of those relationships to help them work out, but I did what I could. I have recently asked some of the girls that I dated, the ones that will still talk to me, what it is that I could have done better. I told them that "nothing" was an acceptable answer. One of the girls I asked successfully avoided that question, but another one was great and was full of answers. I didn't know how I felt about that, but I took it with a grain of salt. Most of the things that were said weren't things that were dont when I was dating the girl, but rather afterwards. This tells me one thing right away. I need to work on actual friendships. I am sure there are things that I need to work on though, even if these friends of mine didn't tell me. So one of my goals for the coming year is to work on my relationships, both present and future.

Another goal of mine for the coming year, which will benefit me in the future as well, is to establish a new list of priorities. The Gospel will always come first in my life, and family will always be a close second. Its the friends, school, and relationships that I need to establish an order for. I dont really know what order they are currently in, with the exception of relationships. That is pretty much last right now. But I think its time that that changes. My friend Shane has helped me realize a few things, and has helped me think that its about time. I realized over the holidays that I was kinda lonely, even though I was hanging out with my family and freinds most of the time. Throughout my dating life I have usually been more happy when I was dating someone. Now I am not saying that I am not happy right now, I just like having that someone around to share silly and stupid moments that make me laugh and bring a smile to my face. Now that I have given you that little whining moment, let move on. I am going to be taking what will probably be the most difficult class in my life, Physics 2. I did ok in my Physics 1 class, but I was working my butt off. I have to do well in this class in order to make it into Physical Therapy school, something that is very important to me right now. I feel that I am capable of this, and I feel like the Lord will be there with me to help me do it.

This year is going to be fun. There will be much excitement coming my way, and much improvement and growth coming my way. Its going to be a great year, and I am so ready for it!

Post Christmas

2008-12-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

So Christmas was really good for me. For those of you that know me a bit, you know that I am not super close to my family. We are all pretty darn independent, and dont talk with each other that often. I dont really talk that much with my brother that I live with! This Christmas was a little different though. My brother Kelly has been here from Alaska on a break from the Air Force and it has been really good. We have been able to just chat and catch up and I have really enjoyed it. He asked me to watch his house this summer up in Alaska because he doesn't want it to be empty for 6 months when he is in Afganistan. I really want to do it, but I really dont know how I can do it. I need to talk to the VA to see if they will let me transfer for 3 months and then come back. I really dont think they will let me do that, but I am going to see what I can do. I think my other option is to quit the VA, get a job up there, and study my butt off and get certified aas a personal trainer, and then come back to Utah and do that for my job afterwards. There is alot for me to figure out, but I would love to be able to do it.

Aside from talking with my brother, it was good to see alot of my extended family. I dont see them that often, even though they live in Ogden and Roy, but I got to spend Christmas Eve with my Dad's side of the family and it was alot of fun! I spent the night at my Grandma and Grandpa's house and so did my parents. We opened presents there, and that was alot of fun. Christmas doesn't have the same kind of appeal that it used to have though. I get more joy out of seeing the reactions people have when they get a gift from me. I usually know what I am getting for Christmas cause my family is pretty good at getting me exactly what I am asking for. I think one of the best things that I got though was a new wallet. It was much needed! Its a jimi wallet. Go ahead and check it out, I think you will like the idea of it, I know I do!

I hope that you all had a bodacious Christmas too! I hope that you were able to think about Christ a little bit during the week and think about the sacrifice that He made for us. It is truly amazing that He would do such a thing. I love my Savior, and I know that He loves me and all of you too. I wish you all the best of luck in the coming year!

Update

2008-12-22T19:38:00.000-08:00

So it has been a little while since I have updated anyone. I think most of you know what has been going on in my life, but for those of you who dont, here you go.

Not too much has been going on in my life, I suppose that is why I haven't written any thing on here. Continuing the story from my last post, I have since gotten my motorcycle fixed, although, I received zero help from the company I took it to. I will never go there again, and I am encouraging others to never go there either. Edge Motorsports will screw you over. They dont have your life in mind, and are willing to risk your life to make money. Anyways, I got it fixed finally, by taking it to Suzuki of Salt Lake. When I took it in to them, they told me that I wasn't the first person to come in saying that they got screwed by Edge. They took care of it, and son enough, I was back out on the road happy to have it again.

There was one other bad thing that I learned soon after going to see Mike and Danielle. Danielle called me one day and told me that they were getting a divorce. When she told me that it was an important call, I knew instantly that she was going to be leaving the church. She didn't tell me that, but I knew. It took about 2 months for her to finally talk to me about it. She started putting pictures up on facebook that confirmed it to me. It is was so hard for me to come to terms with that. Part of the reason that it took so long for her to tell me was that I told her on facebook that I was probably going to yell at her if we talked. I think that Danielle finally realized that she needed to tell me. She called me and we talked for about 2 and a half hours. Overall, it was good. I was able to bear testimony in a way that I had not done since I was a missionary, back when I was teaching Danielle. It felt amazing. By doing so, I was able to have the things that I know to be true confirmed to me once again. As bad as the situation was, I gained alot from it, and I like that. Danielle now lives in Boise, and Mike is about to move back down to St. George, with the kids. Danielle gave Mike full custody, as far as I understand. Its a terrible situation that I wish had never happened, but there isn't really anything that I can do about it. I have no doubts that Danielle will come back to the church, but it will take some time.

On to lighter topics, I got to go to New York for two weeks!! It was awesome! As some of you know, Yankee Stadium has been closed. I wanted to go there to see it, just because of the historical significance of the stadium. I hate the Yankees, but it was pretty cool to see the stadium, even though I paid 100 dollars for a ticket with a face value of 25 dollars. While I was back east, I got to go to Philadelphia for a day and watch the Phillies in their new stadium. I of course had a couple of authentic Philly Cheesesteaks, and they were awesome! I got to see the Liberty Bell too, and that was pretty cool. I also went to Boston and saw a Red Sox game in Fenway with Tiffany Ann Wood, and let me tell you, I love Fenway. The place has such an old feel to it, the way a basball stadium should feel. I recommend it to anyone. Instead of just going back to New York, I went back to Tiverton, Rhode Island with Tiffany and stayed with her relatives (possibly her mothers cousin, I dont remember). It was amazing! Their house is on the ocean. Literally. It was so incredible to eat out on the back porch, and be eating out on the ocean! I recommend Tiverton to anyone! I got to see a whole mess of things when I was in New York, and thankfully I didn't even have to pay a penny to stay there! My friend Shane had a friend that he went to school with that lives there and she found a place for me to stay. It was awesome! One of the best things that I did there was got to a Mets game, not because I got to see the Mets, but because they were playing the Braves! It was great! They lost, but thats ok, just seeing them was great! What made it even better was that the guy I was sitting next to was from Atlanta. It turned out pretty good that way.

This summer and last semester has been a good one. I have had my struggles with school but I seemed to come out of them alright so far. I have been able to cultivate some quality friendships, namely with Shane. He and I are pretty similar, but the best part is that we have the same sense of humor. He is someone that I have no problem saying I look up to him. He has such a strong testimony and keeps me in check. We have our good times too. We currently have been on a deal that we aren't making fun of each other, but its hard. We leave ourselves open to it often, but we are trying. I already owe him some ice cream cause I couldn't bite my tongue. He and I both wonder why it is that we hadn't been friend before now. Its great though!

With all this talk about another guy, I might have some of you wondering about me, but not to worry, I am not gay. haha! I have tried dating a few girls, all at separate times of course, but it hasn't really worked out, but honestly, I am ok with it. I received a blessing from Dave before the semester, and part of it said that dating shouldn't really be a priority at this point in my life, so I guess that is why I am ok with it. I dont know how long I am supposed to keep it up, but, I think I have gotten past the point that I am ok with it. I recently have been trying to figure out the little things in my dating life that I do that should be done away with. I know that it will take some time to eliminate these things, but I think it can be done.

I struggled the most this last little bit with my physics class. It had been the hardest class that I have ever taken. I got the worst grade on a test that I have ever received. A 23%. It was terrible. Luckily, I got to drop one test, and I ok on my final, which I think really helped me. I ended up getting a B-, but that is way better than I thought I was going to do going into the final. The crappy part is that I am going to be taking the second semester of the class in this upcoming semester, and I have heard that it is even more difficult than the first semester. I think that even if the blessing that I get before the next semester doesn't say somthing similar to the last one I received, I am going to continue to have dating a little low on the priority list. I really need to do well in this class, since it is a pre-req for Physical Therapy school. I have been doing some other things to get me closer to PT school though, I have been doing some observation/volunteer hours each morning at the PT clinic at work for 4 hours. Its been really good, and they are starting to trust me to be more hands on. It has been really cool to see the things that I am learning in class actually put to use. It kinda gives meaning and reason for learning those things.

Anyways, I think this is sufficiently long now, but thats about all that has been happening in my life. Its almost Christmas, so thats pretty exciting.

You've got to be kidding me

2008-07-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

So I went on a weekend trip to St. George on my motorcycle. I had a wonderful time despite the fact that my butt got really sore. I got to see Mike and Danielle, and their kiddos, and a few other people, Nicole and Tiffany. I got to see The Dark Knight, absolutely amazing. I headed back on Sunday after going to church and there was kind of a threat of rain. My friend Tiffany had left for home a little before me, and said that there was a ton o' rain through Cedar City so I braced myself for that. I dont have any rain gear, so I bascially just had to deal with it. I made it through Cedar, no problems. I got to Beaver, no problems. Just past Beaver though, thats when the down pour came. I was doing ok, but then I noticed that there was about an inch of standing water on the road, thats when I knew that I needed to stop. I found an overpass that I could hang out underneath, homeless style. I sat there for about 45 minutes, and then someone stopped. Dawn, the girl that stopped, offered me a ride in her Xterra. I told her that I was headed to Salt Lake and she said that she was too. I then said, "Well, I dont really want to leave my bike here." Her response was something like, "well we can just put it in the back." Now I dont think that she really knew anything about motorcycles, and for those of you who also dont, they tend to be kinda heavy. I told her that I really dont think that we would be able to get it up into the back, nor did I think that it was going to fit in the back, so I declined. It provided me a little humor while I was sitting there, waiting for the rain to stop. It finally let up a bit, enough for me to feel safe riding again. The rest of the ride was pretty good until I got to Nephi. I stopped there to fill up again, and when I got back out in the road again, I was on the on ramp, and my chain fell off, but I was able to put it back on. Now keep in mind that I had just taken my bike in for a tune up. They had suggested that I get a new chain, but that was that. They said that there was more important things that I should take care of first. Things that I ended up not having a problem with. I got to the I-15, I-215 interchange, and all of a sudden, my chain was off again, I was leaking oil, and my clutch wasn't working. Just so you know, sitting on the side of 215 is not a good way to spend your Sunday evening. I ccalled my friend Kirk, and he was able to make it out to me with a truck and a trailer, and we took it back to my house. I called the company that did the tune up, they basically said that it was my fault. I am going to be calling the service manager tomorrow to see how much money they are going to be giving me back for the crappy service they did on my bike. All in all, I am glad that I am still alive. I very easily could have gone down when my bike started to break, or even get thrown from it. I think its sadly going to be the end of it til next summer, when I have a bit more money to put into it.

Deception

2008-07-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

So as a few of you have known, I gave up dating for a while. I just didn't care about it. Not that I didn't have any interest in any one, I just didn't have any sort of a desire to ask them out. That kinda changed as of late, but recent event have made me think otherwise. Two of the last three girls that I have met recently, and gotten the numbers of, are really good at deceiving. After having great conversations with them and getting to know them well enough to know that I wanted to take them on a date, I asked for their numbers. They seemed eager to give them to me. This made me pretty excited. These girls know what they are doing in life, they are beautiful girls, and most importantly, or at least what I thought was most important, they seemed interested back. I called them, cause thats what I do when I get a girls number, but with no luck. No answer, and so far, no call back. I suppose three calls, or maybe three strikes is enough, but given recent history, I dont know if I should waste my time. Having said all this, I still hold these girls in high regard, even though I dont really know them all that well. I only have one request though. If you dont have any plans of going on a date with me, dont give me your number! It's a simple request! I dont see the purpose. I dont understand the female mind, nor do I feel that I will ever. And yes, I know that the male mind can be, and usually is just as confusing. Anywho, I just wanted to vent, so I think I am done.

Motorcycle

2008-05-05T22:52:00.001-07:00

So, as you probably know, I have a motorcycle now. It turns out, they go really fast. Today, I found that out. I reached a all new high speed. This includes being in a car. I was out with my friend Brian, and his friend Steve, and we went out for a ride. We went up Emmigration Canyon, and then jumped on I-80. This happens to be the west side of Parleys Canyon. I kinda got cut off by a semi as I was getting on the freeway, so I had to catch up a little bit. I laid down on my tank (to be more aerodynamic), and cranked the throttle. All of a sudden, I had caught up. And yes, it really was sudden. I looked down at my speedometer, and I smiled a little. 120.

New beginnings....

2008-05-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

Well I decided to start a new blog. A few of you have read my previous one that I had, this one is going to be nothing like that one. I plan on just keeping people updated on me and my life. Really, my life isn't that exciting, but as many of you know, I just bought a motorcycle. Its incredible, and I love it. I got a great deal on it, and I am very happy about that. Again, as many know, this has been a long time goal of mine for me. I have wanted to own a motorcycle for quite some time now. But I am so very happy that I have it now. There is a sense of freedom that comes with it.

Anywho, I had given up on dating for the last little while. I decided that it was a good idea for me, cause this last semester was one of the hardest that I have had. I devoted all the rest of my time to finding a motorcycle, and pretending to study. I feel like I was able to set some good habits during that time too. Thats always a good thing. I feel like I learned a bit about myself too. For some reason I dont really have much of a desire to get back into the dating scene, however, I am not saying that it wont happen.

I have really been trying to establish deeper and better relationships with my friends and my family. I still have alot to do in those relationships, but I think I have done a bit of a better job at it. One thing I have been realizing lately is how important it is to have these close relationships. I really dont think I am that close to anyone in my family, but I dont know that I wish that was different. I have never been able to say that anyone in my family is my best friend, but I think that I am ok with that. I know that they are there, and I know that I can turn to them any time that I want to, I just dont really do it. I would rather talk to my friends that know my situation, cause they have gone through it recently. I dont think I would ever turn to Curtis, my brother, for any sort of girl advice; he hasn't been on a date for at least 10 years. I really dont think that he would be able to help out with that. I am excited to build better relationships. It's something that a good friend has taught me. I will be forever grateful for that life lesson taught to me by this friend. This friend is way better are it than I am.

I think that this is why I want to have more close friends. They are so good at so many things that I really need to work on. I want so badly to be better, but as many of you know, it kinda takes a bit of time. Wierd how that works, huh? If only there was a way to skip all the drama and growing pains that come with change. I guess in a way its ok. I suppose thats where I actually learn real life skills.

Anywho, I dont know what else to talk about, so thats about it.